Winter/ Summer camp highs

So I lay here in bed, and I begin thinking about Winter camp, which is coming up in a few weeks. And I think about Other camps that I've been to, and other camps that i've been changed by, and that rare feeling that you get from just closing your eyes, opening your heart, and letting go to worship God when you are at a place like that.

And the feeling floods back in. The feeling that you feel when you are there, at camp. the feeling the you have for 2 weeks after camp, but it fades away. The closeness to God that seems like it can only come then.

I am nearly brought to tears thinking about it. It is in moments like those that i know, without a single doubt, that God is real, and that he holds me in His hand. But it doesn't happen often. And rarely outside of camp.

I can feel god here. With me. Right now, as I type this, and I know that I have so much to look forward to in life, because I know he is here. Because I know that he has given me these moments, and that they aren't tied only to these times, but can happen at any time. Like now, just laying in my bed, doing nothing of importance, when God brings it to the surface.

If you've ever been to a camp like this before, you know what Im talking about. So join me. Close your eyes, and remember. Put yourself in the situation again, when all that matters is you and God, because thats all that matters to anyone at that moment. Let yourself be taken away by him, and by his love. Remember that feeling, and know that, no matter what, he can give it to you.

Father, i pray that you let me feel this constantly. That these next few weeks before camp are filled with moments like this. Moments that i know you are here. Moments that remind me of your greatness, even when nothing else is happening.

I love you, Father God, and i can feel your love for me now.

Aaron Jay

Being You

"It is difficult to live without being who you are."

I've learned an important lesson in living life. Without living life to your fullest potential, meaning without living out who YOU are, as opposed to who you wish you were, you are contributing to a false society. You are contributing to the 18 million dollars a year MTV spends to manipulate us and make us who they want us to be.

We look at people around us, and how they all have it so together, and wish we had that. We wish we had that girl or guy, or we wish we had that job, or that friend, or those clothes... the list is endless really. But think about how many other people wish they had that same thing. Even the people who consider themselves "non-conformist" are still striving to find acceptance.

Who do we need acceptance from? Who says we have to change who we are to be accepted?

The youth group I lead worship for has the closest bond I have ever seen in any group. I've seen blood relatives with less love for each other. This isn't because they are all the same. This isn't because they are all jocks, or cheerleaders. Its because they have learned to be accepting. Every one of these kids has issues every kid has. Some struggles with family and finding love from them. Some struggle with pornography. Some struggle with things too deep for someone who isn't involved to understand.

Yet they all love each other. They have a deeper concept of acceptance than many people do these days.

And they are all themselves.

If you look at relationships, friendships, or otherwise, you realize that, without honesty, and without being who you are, there is a disconnect in the relationship. If you have a friend who won't open up to you, you know what I mean. There is a gap there, and you cannot fill it alone.

So be who you are. You will be with the most important relationships you have, so why not live who you are to everyone? Who else matters, really?

Do something that scares you...

I was listening to Air 1 on my way home from work this morning, and one of the DJs quoted the wife of Toby Mac, a well known christian rap artist. He said "Do something that scares you everyday." That doesn't mean like driving off a cliff or going the wrong way down a one way street during rush hour.

In doing something that scares you, you are stepping out of your comfort zone and doing something that makes you uncomfortable. Maybe it's something small, like initiating a conversation with a stranger, or something huge, like leaving everything behind and going on a missions trip you've felt God calling you to do.

If you know me at all, you know that I am not a risk taker. I am the kind of person who likes to hang out with friends and read stuff. This made me think, tho. Maybe my lack of taking risks is holding me back. Maybe my fear of change is making an impact on me for the worse.

I know that I am a child of God, but I don't always do what he's calling me to do. "Don't go there, Aaron" or "Aaron, you're going to regret that!"

I am going to open up a bit here. This is the dirty truth about me.

I don't read my bible. At least, not very often. Honestly, it scares me a little. I mean, I don't want to come across something that is going to completely alter the way I live. I like who I am. I don't want to come across something that tells me I am doing something wrong, because I know that, once I've seen that and realized it, God will expect change, and rightly so.

But here's my problem. If I don't take the time to step out of who I am, I am never going to grow. The Bible is the way God shows you to live your life. It's a path that God has chosen for all of us, and its words speak to everyone in different ways. I've seen this over time, that many people get very different things out of the same verses. Not in taking things out of context, but I've been to bible studies and things that, in reading a bible story, everyone has a different perspective on it, and it leads everyone differently.

I don't think God intended everyone to get that same things out of the bible. I mean, I'm sure He knew that anyone that read it would get something different out of it, that everyone would be shown a different way to go. That was probably the point. I mean, if everything in the Bible was meant to be a list of rules a regulations, and a list of things that we should all be growing and changing in at the same time and the same pace, God would have made The Guidebook instead of the Bible.

Well, Im getting really tired. If I think about it, maybe I'll add some more later.

Thanks! I look forward to your perspectives!

Aaron Jay

Forget And Not Slow Down....

There is a song by the wonderful band Relient K called Forget And Not Slow Down, and the lyrics are as follows:

How many times
Can I push it aside
Is it time I befriended all the ghosts of all the things that haunt me most
So they leave me alone
Move on with my life
Be certain the steps of left and right don't fight the direction of upright

I'd rather forget and not slow down
Than gather regret for the things I can't change now
If I become what I can't accept
Resurrect the saint from within the wretch
Pour over me and wash my hands of it

It's time to decide
Which is out of my mind
Cause it'll be me unless I put some thoughts to rest and leave some faults behind
I'll watch the glint in my eye
Shine off the spring in my step
And could be blinding depending on the amount of You that I reflect

Cause I could spend my life just trying to sift through
What I could've done better but what good do what ifs do
Oh oh
Oh oh
There's something I should tell you now

This song is one that I've heard many times, but not until today did the lyrics really occur to me. Even the title speaks volumes. We hear the saying "Forgive and forget" all the time, but if you really think about forgiving people, and the process of doing that, it sets us back relationally. The title "Forget and not slow down" is projected in the song in the phrase "I'd rather forget and not slow down." In all actuality, wouldn't it just be easier to forget, not worry about forgiving, and never have that issue with setback in relationships?

I've learned from experience that, while this may be easier, it wouldn't solve any problems. To forget about a problem and not confront it, especially when it comes to relationships, will lead to nothing but greater pain. I had a friend that drove me crazy, but due to my fear on confrontation, whenever this friend would do something i disagreed with, such as putting down different races or using women, I wouldn't say anything. One day, we decided to move in together. So we got an apartment, and his jokes and issues continued, and i continued to not say anything. Eventually, it started to get on my nerves, and it began to get to the point where every little thing he did infuriated me. Eventually, we got in a huge fight and things haven't been the same between us since then.

If I had spoken my mind, let him know that his jokes bothered me, maybe things would have been better. Maybe he would have tried to censor himself around me a little more, and I would have been okay with that.

The only thing about stuff like that is that I hate when people aren't completely real around me. It drives me insane.

Thats not the point though.

Looking back at the song, my favorite line in this song is "Cause I could spend my life just trying to sift through,

What I could've done better but what good do what ifs do?"

This line speaks to me because I do this all the time. I look back at my life and think about times when I could have done better (See the above example), and I think about the "what ifs" of life. What if I'd persued her? What if I'd told them? What if I really put myself out there?

Then I realize something. What good will "what ifs" do? If I want to put myself out, I can do it. Life isn't what you've missed. Life is what you make it. And, for some of us, life is what you and God make it.

So don't spend your life worrying about setbacks that come with forgiveness. Forgiveness is important, and can change things drastically. And don't look back and life and wonder what you could or should have done. Focus on what you are doing and where you are headed.

Life is a journey, and with God, you have something to aim for.

Love you guys, and keep your eyes out for more soon!

Aaron Jay

For the love of life...

So, the last few days have had me thinking about life, and the lives of others, and I have been thinking, specifically, about gay people.

Gays are looked at in a way that is completely unnecessary and untrue. They are treated as though they were given a choice to be gay, when, in most cases, that is not true. I have known quite a few people who were gay, lesbian, bisexual, or whatever, and every single one of them has been a good friend to me, and to judge them because of their sexual orientation is wrong, and completely ungodly.

If I remember correctly, God called us all to love. Love like Jesus loved, and live like Jesus lived. Do you think Jesus went around and bashed gays? Do you think Jesus protested gay funerals and went around the country showing how much God hates people?

The Jesus I know wouldn't do something like that. The Jesus I know condemns the sin, not the sinner. Jesus was an amazing man, and I cannot imagine for a second that he lived his life bringing people down.

If I am pissing you off, than I'm glad I am. Some changes need to be made in your perspective if I am.

I've never been the type to tell people what is right and what is wrong. I'm not the kind of person who will tell you that you are wrong, and I am right. However, this is something I am passionate about. We are called, as Christians, to love all who we come in contact with, no matter what they've done. Jesus did the same. I feel like, many times, as Christians, we pull people down, condemning them for their sin. Or their sexuality. Or their past.

We are called to build people up. God doesn't pull people down. God doesn't lead people into downward spirals eventually ending in Suicide.

I had a friend who recently committed suicide. He was bisexual, and he went through a lot in his life. He struggled with his identity, always searching for the truth in life and in the world. He spent the life he lived trying to identify the truth about our world, trying to find what was right and what was true. Trying to find who it was that would be accepting and who it was that would be condemning.

I happen to know for a fact that, in Christianity, he found condemnation. Many people do. That is why, when you look at statistics today, you find that a mere 4% of my generation is Christian. It's because Christians are very condemning and judgmental people. If I hadn't found Jesus myself, apart from the condemnation, I would easily have fallen away a long time ago. People hurt people, I've learned, and this is what causes peoples pain and suffering and, ultimately, their demise.

Tyler, my friend who died, was an amazing person. He was brilliant, and he would have been an asset to God's kingdom. If only he hadn't found pain in something that should have screamed love.

I devote my life to two things.

The real, loving God, and showing that He is Love. Not condemnation.

For all who I have wronged in my past, I apologize. If i have ever lead you to believe anything else about God, then I have lead you incorrectly. God is none but Love. He is not condemning, he builds up. He shows his love in our lives by giving us friends and family, and nature to enjoy, and people to love.

My prayer is that every Christian you ever run into will emanate love, not hatred. My prayer is that, for as long as I live, Love is my religion. I will not claim Christianity. Only God, and the love that comes with Him.

Rest peacefully, dear TJ. You were an amazing man, and I wish I could have spent more time with you in the end. God loves you, and I hope you knew that.

Young, but full of wisdom...

Hey guys...

Lately, the topic of "Failure" has been on my mind. In my life, there have been many times when I've seen myself as a failure. Times when I set standards for myself, and in the end, I fail to reach them.

At youth group recently, we have been discussing the idea that "Age Ain't Nothin but A Number" (coined by Pastor Kyle Kingsley). He began the first day by saying that people tend to view those who are young as insignificant, and unwise. They don't give us the credit we deserve because what they see is our failure. They see how our standards seem to be significantly lower than theirs, and they forget that we are the future. No. We are today.

While I'm not a "youth", I am still young, being 21, and so I know this feeling of being overlooked because Im young. And in all honesty, Im totally and completely sick of it. I mean, how many of them do you think have had to deal with the loss of high school friends to suicide, many friends addicted to drugs, or overcoming that, or trying to stay on the straight and narrow while everyone around you is having sex with everything that moves, or drinking until their livers fall our, or shooting up to the point that their skin has built the scar tissue of Superman.

It is difficult in a society like ours to be looked upon with hope. People don't look at us like we are the future. They look at us like we are going to create the slow and painful Deicide believed by some foreign cultures. (Deicide is the killing of God, for those of you who don't know).

Do they look at the good we do for our society? Do they see that we resist the pressures of our culture?

No they see our failure.

1 Timothy 4:12 says " Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example to the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity."

This means that in living our lives, we should be living for God through what we say, what we do, how we love, who we love, and how we show that love.

In essence, we should be living a Godly life for the one who saved our lives and gaves his for us. We need to set the example for people who see us as "just kids", by showing them that we are the future, and the present. We need to show them that, just because we are young, does not mean we are not smart, and it does not mean that we don't know what we are doing.

So remember: "... Set an example to the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity." Because we are called to do so.

What are you holding on to?

Hey gang.



So I've been thinking a lot lately, which happens frequently, and I tend to lose sleep because I think about things so much. However, that is beside the point.



Today I had youth group, and, as usual, I had something to hear. Today we talked about success. Last week, we went into detail about the worldly view of success vs. the view of success as voiced by God. The difference is night and day. This week, though, we talked about how to reach the success we were made to have. Success in life and in God, the way He meant it to be.

We talked about what is holding us back, and how we lose focus on God because we are so focused on our burdens. I learned that the more we focus on our issues, the harder they are to overcome, and I realized that this message was meant for me. Every issue I ever encounter consumes me until I am so lost in it that God takes the back seat. I am sick of that!

I want to give God the from seat of everything I do. I'm thinking about it now, and just doing that alone would change everything for me. All the problems and things that I feel like I need would be completely covered. My lack of confidence, my struggle with knowing what to do with my life, and where to go... All of it, God would have covered.

What is my problem then? Why am I not handing everything over right now?

Because, maybe, I am afraid? I am afraid to see what God will bring to the surface. I am afraid to know what I have hidden in my heart that I have let lay dormant for so long I have forgotten. I want to know, tho. I want to know things about myself that I cannot remember. I want to stop doubting God, and let Him lead me through the valley of the shadow of death, and truely fear no evil, for God is with me. Let Him disciple me. Let him discipline me. Let him lead me to places I may not want to go, because I know that He will help me through anything, and anywhere. He will let me know what I am doing wrong, and what I am doing right. What I should be doing, and what I should cast away and never so much as glance at again.

So I will try to begin. I say try because I tend to fail.

If you are reading this, be praying for me. I need it more that I can think. Pray that I keep God at the forfront of my mind. Pray that I think about Him and adore Him in everything that I do.

Also, pray that I find someone to keep me accountable.

Thank you for reading this, and remember, God is strong, and He will let nothing destroy you, as long as you hold strong to Him.

I just added paintball as a tag for no apparent reason. Maybe someone will read this and I will have changed a life! :)

The pain of being Human...

Im not sure what to say. Im sure I could pour out my heart right now, but I fear that there are people I could hurt. There are emotions and desires within me that, if acted upon, could ruin me and those around me. I feel repressed. Not depressed, but as though i have to hold things in. Is this natural?

All i want to do is let out my feelings, Everything i've ever felt and everything I've ever wanted, I just wish i could spill it all out onto the table. The pain, the lies, the way i've been hiding myself.

There is a verse in the bible that says "At that moment, their eyes were open, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness." Gen. 3:7

I dont want to cover myself up anymore. I want to dance in the street with complete openness. I want my life to be a glass, clear and perfect. But being human, that is not a possibility. There is no way that, being who we are, we can maintain a clear conscience at all times. Because we are all sinners.

But at the same time, i see mankind as basically good. Although that seems to change more and more as life goes on. i begin to see the cheating husbands and wives, the men who beat their loved ones, the people who walk out on their families because they are sick of what they have...

In all honesty, what has our world come to?

Has it always been this bad, and its just taken me forever to see it? it makes me think that maybe ignorance is bliss after all. the less you know about the world, the less it can hurt you.

Life has never been harder for me than it is right now. I've had problems in the past, sure, but Im sure I've never been in this situation before....

How will this end for me? Im not sure. but I know that God will be by my side, whether i want him there or not. And let me tell you, i don't just want Him at my side.

I need Him there.

He Trudged On....

This is a short story I wrote from experience about how much people rely on love, and how, if you put too much faith in the wrong person, your heart will feel it, and you will end up back where you were before. "Above all else, guard your heart." Proverbs 4:23

And now...

He Trudged On. By Aaron Jay

He walked through the slime and the sludge that he had slowly gotten himself into. How he wished he could feel it just one more time, maybe this would be the final one. Maybe there would be no need to keep searching. He trudged on, pushing junk away with his feet, using his hands to keep the branches from scratching his face.

Just then, in the distance, a light appeared. He had seen lights before, but never quite like this one. He squinted at it, moving ever so slowly to get a closer look into it. He trudged on, looking to find out what he could about this light, aching to get closer. He succeeded. It was a light unlike any he had seen. It was more radiant than the sun, and had the potential to burn just as badly. If only he had seen that.

He blinked.

He was walking on air, the light at his side. His search had come to an end. He wandered on, looking for a place to settle. He felt as though he could spend his time with this light and do nothing but stare into it, its radiance taking him to a place he had never before been. He stopped and turned. Looking into the light, he froze. He knew it must be true. This was what he had been looking for. He would never have to search again.

He blinked.

He was walking on air, the light at his side. The light seemed to rise, as he seemed to fall. The air he was walking on seemed to thin. It couldn’t hold his weight. He wandered on, and the light, being less heavy than he, floated slowly downward, although it was trying desperately to get to him. He fell. The light fell. The light drifted slower than the boy, who grasped desperately at it. Slowly, the boy fell, and the light faded, until the boy could no longer see it.

He closed his eyes, hoping that he would open them, and the light would once again reside at his side.

He opened his eyes and found himself once again in the slime and sludge. He looked all around for the beautiful light that he had loved so. It was nowhere to be seen. This had happened before, and the blow, although painful, was not as hard as before. He picked himself up, and looked around. He decided what direction to head, after much difficult deliberation.

He trudged on.