It has come to my attention in these last two nights at Jr High Summer Camp, that I have been unmoving in my faith. I have grown, yes. I have become a better leader, I have learned to be more assertive. But my faith has remained unchanged. Yes, God is changing me, and yes, I am grateful for it, but while I have been changing, my mind, my heart, has not been pulling closer to Him.
We were talking last night about speaking in a prayer language, aka speaking in tongues. It's a trippy idea, but bear with me. That is not, and yet it is, my focus right now. After an oddly worded message, and a lot of confusion for my guys, and honestly, myself, the youth pastor at our youth group, Kyle, took us into the cabin to help us gain some clarity.
Kyle said that this prayer language is like a deeper, powerful praising of God via the Holy Spirit. That it isn't something to be afraid of or be creeped out by, but it is a beautiful thing. That it is like an overflow of God in the soul. It is your spirit saying things your words, your language, cannot express. And I love this idea. It's beautiful to me just to think about it. Words are hardly ever enough, and there comes a time in singing out to God that even that is not enough.
That must be when it kicks in. When I am close enough to the spirit to feel it, to know it without a strand of doubt. And only then will He move in me.
And I need to work on letting myself be His. I know I love Him. And I want to seek Him like an addict seeking their desire. Never stopping, never letting anything get in their way. That's the one thing they have that is profound and so rare to find in Christian Spirituality. That reckless searching, that unhindered yearning for the Spirit of God in us.
so my prayer is that God would give me that love for Himself. That he would help me to constantly strive for him, despite what may stand in my way.
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