The pain of being Human...

Im not sure what to say. Im sure I could pour out my heart right now, but I fear that there are people I could hurt. There are emotions and desires within me that, if acted upon, could ruin me and those around me. I feel repressed. Not depressed, but as though i have to hold things in. Is this natural?

All i want to do is let out my feelings, Everything i've ever felt and everything I've ever wanted, I just wish i could spill it all out onto the table. The pain, the lies, the way i've been hiding myself.

There is a verse in the bible that says "At that moment, their eyes were open, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness." Gen. 3:7

I dont want to cover myself up anymore. I want to dance in the street with complete openness. I want my life to be a glass, clear and perfect. But being human, that is not a possibility. There is no way that, being who we are, we can maintain a clear conscience at all times. Because we are all sinners.

But at the same time, i see mankind as basically good. Although that seems to change more and more as life goes on. i begin to see the cheating husbands and wives, the men who beat their loved ones, the people who walk out on their families because they are sick of what they have...

In all honesty, what has our world come to?

Has it always been this bad, and its just taken me forever to see it? it makes me think that maybe ignorance is bliss after all. the less you know about the world, the less it can hurt you.

Life has never been harder for me than it is right now. I've had problems in the past, sure, but Im sure I've never been in this situation before....

How will this end for me? Im not sure. but I know that God will be by my side, whether i want him there or not. And let me tell you, i don't just want Him at my side.

I need Him there.

He Trudged On....

This is a short story I wrote from experience about how much people rely on love, and how, if you put too much faith in the wrong person, your heart will feel it, and you will end up back where you were before. "Above all else, guard your heart." Proverbs 4:23

And now...

He Trudged On. By Aaron Jay

He walked through the slime and the sludge that he had slowly gotten himself into. How he wished he could feel it just one more time, maybe this would be the final one. Maybe there would be no need to keep searching. He trudged on, pushing junk away with his feet, using his hands to keep the branches from scratching his face.

Just then, in the distance, a light appeared. He had seen lights before, but never quite like this one. He squinted at it, moving ever so slowly to get a closer look into it. He trudged on, looking to find out what he could about this light, aching to get closer. He succeeded. It was a light unlike any he had seen. It was more radiant than the sun, and had the potential to burn just as badly. If only he had seen that.

He blinked.

He was walking on air, the light at his side. His search had come to an end. He wandered on, looking for a place to settle. He felt as though he could spend his time with this light and do nothing but stare into it, its radiance taking him to a place he had never before been. He stopped and turned. Looking into the light, he froze. He knew it must be true. This was what he had been looking for. He would never have to search again.

He blinked.

He was walking on air, the light at his side. The light seemed to rise, as he seemed to fall. The air he was walking on seemed to thin. It couldn’t hold his weight. He wandered on, and the light, being less heavy than he, floated slowly downward, although it was trying desperately to get to him. He fell. The light fell. The light drifted slower than the boy, who grasped desperately at it. Slowly, the boy fell, and the light faded, until the boy could no longer see it.

He closed his eyes, hoping that he would open them, and the light would once again reside at his side.

He opened his eyes and found himself once again in the slime and sludge. He looked all around for the beautiful light that he had loved so. It was nowhere to be seen. This had happened before, and the blow, although painful, was not as hard as before. He picked himself up, and looked around. He decided what direction to head, after much difficult deliberation.

He trudged on.