My lifesong....

Have you ever listened to music that just gripped you in a way that you cannot express? 

Have you ever been to a concert, or had the music up so loud that you couldn't tell the bass from your heartbeat, and you worried that when the bass stopped, you just might fall to the floor, lifeless?

Its those moments that I know that there has to be more out there than just humanity. And I'm not talking about aliens. I'm talking about God. People are not deep enough to have thought of music for themselves. Music was created by God to give people a feeling of His presence. Secular or Christian, music reaches for something that we as humans could never get to ourselves. there is a connection to something unexplained when you envelop yourself in a beautiful melody, or you play something straight from your heart. There is something there that cannot be explained. Not, at least, by our human standards. 

It triggers something inside of us that longs for more. something that makes us want to search for some unknown thing and never stop. It makes us want to be content in searching, and finding that perfect piece, or that one song that just speaks your life and your meaning. A song that IS you is musical form. And many people have accomplished that. I, however, am still searching. And I anticipate a long search. God knows me and he knows my heart. And when I find my lifesong, only then will I be satisfied.

Mother Teresa

What can you consider to be the deepest words spoken? What words released from the stained mouths of humanity can mean anything? If we are so unclean, and so impure, then how can we love in the most pure form? Or can we? I think we can. But not alone.

In order to love the way God loves, and to see the way God sees, we need Him. We need to have his example as an everyday guidance in our lives and our hearts. We need to be able to look into the eyes of God and say “I have a problem. Please, Help me fix this.” We need to have a way to fight through the spiritual battle that is life, whether people realize it or not.

LIFE is a battle. It’s a fight for our souls. A fight for Heaven, or for hell. It’s a battle in which many people are lost, and many people are found in a way that could never be imagined by those untouched.  This earth is but a battle ground. And this battle ground will one day become holy, and become the land that Jesus walks on, and the land that God leads his Children to.

And here we are, the impure, much-less-than-perfect humanity, thinking we know everything, and making the world a crappier place all the while trying to improve it. God made us to keep this place clean, and to take care of it the way he would have. We are here screwing everything up, and who cares? Who do you know that has stepped up to fight for it to be the way it was meant to be? Who has actually made it a better place?

There are people who have. People know of many of them. Mother Teresa, for one. This woman devoted her life to helping people to be more life Christ, and to follow Him with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength.

Would you disregard such a woman because she is a Catholic? I would never think of such a thing.  She was an amazing woman, who did amazing things. And yet even she, the seemingly most honorable woman the world has ever known, has faced her share of criticism. Christianity was not meant to be easy. It was meant to be powerful. And in the case of Mother Teresa, it was.

Being a Catholic would not discredit her work, and if it does so in your eyes, you have some serious rethinking to do. This woman worked with those who needed it until the day she died, and she should be respected for everything she did. Her being a Catholic isn’t going to change anything. It’s another denomination. Another way the world sets the Believers of Christ apart. In the end, your denomination will have no bearing on whether or not you enter the Kingdom. What will matter is you. Your heart, and your life. What you did with what you had and if you used it for the good of man and of God.

That’s what matters. Not a stupid denomination. Not a stupid sect of another “mind-set religion”.  You. Your soul. Your relationship.

God knows your heart. Do you?

Tonight...

I really don't know what I am going to say. I just know that there is something that needs to be said. I know that there are people who need to stand up and say what they need. I guess I just found my topic. Somehow, I always do...

How can people keep something inside when there is so much that needs to be said? Even something simple. A smile. A word of encouragement. A confession. These things can all be so small, but so impactful. 

A smile can bring someone's day from depressing to just above it. A word of encouragement can give someone the confidence the need to get where they need to go. A confession, or telling someone something that you've struggled to say, can change your world. It can change their world.

Just the feeling of knowing you are trusted enough to keep this thing to yourself can be a huge thing for someone. Then sometimes, you have to be careful. letting something slip too soon can ruin everything you thought you had.

I owe apologies to many people. I owe my life to many people. There are people who i have put my whole world into the hand of, and somehow, there it remains.

The only thing I need to do now is trust God enough to hand my everything off to Him. I know He exists. I know He is there for me. I know there is more to Him than I will ever know. Yet something holds me back from giving Him everything. Sometimes, I'm not even sure I've given Him my heart. And thats a big deal.

God means everything, and without loving Him, I can't move forward.

And without love, I have nothing. Love is my everything, which, contrary to belief, is another way of saying God is.

I can't seem to remember to keep him in my mind. I can't seem to remember to pray, or read my bible, or keep him in my everyday living. I know He's there, but i feel like I'm not her for Him.

No matter what I do, I can't escape the feeling that i am just not doing enough.. I need Him more than anything, but I won't let myself have what i need. there is an invisible barrier between me and God, and i can't seem to find a way to tear it down.

I need you help, God. Bring me closer to you. Keep me in your presence for all of my life. And help me to remember you in everything I do. You are amazing, and I need to remember that.

~Aaron Jay