How can people keep something inside when there is so much that needs to be said? Even something simple. A smile. A word of encouragement. A confession. These things can all be so small, but so impactful.
A smile can bring someone's day from depressing to just above it. A word of encouragement can give someone the confidence the need to get where they need to go. A confession, or telling someone something that you've struggled to say, can change your world. It can change their world.
Just the feeling of knowing you are trusted enough to keep this thing to yourself can be a huge thing for someone. Then sometimes, you have to be careful. letting something slip too soon can ruin everything you thought you had.
I owe apologies to many people. I owe my life to many people. There are people who i have put my whole world into the hand of, and somehow, there it remains.
The only thing I need to do now is trust God enough to hand my everything off to Him. I know He exists. I know He is there for me. I know there is more to Him than I will ever know. Yet something holds me back from giving Him everything. Sometimes, I'm not even sure I've given Him my heart. And thats a big deal.
God means everything, and without loving Him, I can't move forward.
And without love, I have nothing. Love is my everything, which, contrary to belief, is another way of saying God is.
I can't seem to remember to keep him in my mind. I can't seem to remember to pray, or read my bible, or keep him in my everyday living. I know He's there, but i feel like I'm not her for Him.
No matter what I do, I can't escape the feeling that i am just not doing enough.. I need Him more than anything, but I won't let myself have what i need. there is an invisible barrier between me and God, and i can't seem to find a way to tear it down.
I need you help, God. Bring me closer to you. Keep me in your presence for all of my life. And help me to remember you in everything I do. You are amazing, and I need to remember that.
~Aaron Jay
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